Saturday, May 8, 2010

I hate chinese food: especially underpriced "values" from Walmart

Thursday September 17, 2009

So we're stuck here in Mountain Home, ID because last night upon perusing walmart, I couldn't pass up a 5 for $2.50 Eggroll deal. I thought it would be nice to spice up the dinner menu since bagels and cheese is the usual, and I went ahead and bought them. I did not bother to search for a microwave to heat them up, cuz it was hot outside and I wanted to be refreshed. If only I knew what was to come.

(here's the part where I describe to you, in detail, about me throwing up andhaving the runs all night, get ready.)

Later that night my stomach was sending me a signal, which I percieved as hunger, so I ate some pop tarts before going to bed in the picnic area of the local park. A couple hours later, I wake up feeling very nauseous, and I realize that puking is imminent. So I get up as walk over to the bathroom and try to throw up, I know that I will feel better once whatever my body wants out was out. But I'm so tired and disoriented that I can't seem to push hard enough, so I decided to induce the vomit myself. I stick my index finger and middle finger together and shove them down my throat hard, and when I feel the gag coming I start to push and release the naughty food. Well guess what? out came a bunch of chewed up egg rolls, carrot shreds, lettuce, the bread part, and it was all coated with the complimentary dipping sauce! how nice!! So I think I'm all done and feeling better at this point, and I go to lay down after scrudding the barf bits out of my beard. But then an hour later I wake back up, feeling the nausea again. I strut over to the restroom and reclaim my seat on my throne, which was going to become the place I unfortunately hung out all night long. I went back and forth 5 times last night, pukling and shitting piss out of my asshole. Let me tell you, I had quite the set up going on. I dragged the trash can over to the toilet, so while I peed out my butt, I could simaltaneousely heave out orange colored chinese food flavored paste. When I was winding down from the episodes, I would lean back and kick one foot up on the trash can, and my other foot up on the handicap rail beside the toilet, which I used to brace my self for shitting/pukling. I really wish Dugg was there to take pictures, becuase it was quite a sight. By the end of the night in between falling asleep with my head half in the can, I had puked multiple times in the trash, the toilet, and I couldn't leave out the bathroom sink.

Tha brings us to today, we were supposed to go to Meridian ID but I cannot ride in this condition. I'm rehydrating slowly, and feeling a bit better, so hopefully tomorrow we can press on and get out of Idaho. We're getting a hotel tonight so I can puke in maximum comfort. I'm not thrilled about the experience, but even when you learn you can pee out of your butt, that's all part of the adventure.

-Cole Bear out

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